Sunday, 30 November 2008

A light bulb moment

Question: How many "Real Women" does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: None. A "Real Woman" would have plenty of real men around to do it.

And to think this is funny purely because changing a light bulb is about as easy as boiling water.

No, but jokes aside, these actually need to be updated. Because, whoever devised these light bulb changing jokes has clearly never tried to change a halogen light bulb.

Now, I’m not naturally blonde – so I don’t have that excuse – and I’ve changed a fair few normal light bulbs in my time by myself (and quite successfully, I might add), but halogen bulbs are dodgy little f*****s.

Hence, the reason why I resorted to a bedside lamp as my only bedroom light source for a year (also the reason why we only have one working light bulb in the kitchen and none in the living room). It’s not that we are short of men to help us fair maidens in changing a light bulb, but rather that halogen light bulbs just don’t make sense.

A while back, my female flatmates and I decided to change the bulbs in the hallway. Well that was a team effort – one to hold the ladder, one to pass the stupid fiddly screws and one to screw in the light bulb.

I hear you sniggering, but I’m being serious.

Do you actually know how many types of halogen bulbs are out there? G4 capsules, G9 Halopin capsules, Halogen A (ES/BC), Halolux Ceram (ES), Halolux Ceram (SBC), Halolux T (SES), linear halogen tubes, reflector capsules, GY6.35 capsules, PAR20 Hi Spot 63, Mains Halogen GU10 – and that’s not even all of them.

Then once you have embarked on the halogen light bulb adventure you have to choose between pearl, clear, opal or frosted.

I’m telling you, it’s not as easy as screw versus push and twist.

So, I finally got fed up with just having a bedside lamp and thought, ‘Right, I’m going to do something about these stupid lights’. Got to the supermarket, spent some 30 minutes trying to figure out which halogen bulb was right (no nice men to help me out). Thought I was intelligent buying two different types – you know, just in case. Got home, took another half hour to pull it all apart and put it back together again (seriously, how many screw things do these actually need?)

Then I turn on the light switch only to find that the LED colour changing bulb I bought (you know, just in case) still changed colour even though I had removed the coloured plastic cover (there were no English instructions). So I now have one normal yellow halogen bulb and one that alternates between red, yellow, blue and green.

So much for DIY. At least I didn’t get electrocuted.

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